tobesomeone | OPEN POST

[ He thanks the stars for his backup, to be honest. Drack's past observations of Ryder's inability to be any more threatening than a hamster weren't wrong, and no matter how much the krogan instilled into him the need to be assertive...it never quite landed. He tried. But that's why you have a krogan on your team, right?

Ryder didn't even try to hide it. A hand came up to the top of his helmet, wanting to grasp at strands of hair that were under a layer of protection. His eyes shut from behind his dark visor as he tried to steady his breath. To keep calm.

His stomach spins, twists, turns — does anything and everything but settles the fuck down when he hears that voice. Part of him still feels a weird relief, but he immediately shoves it so far back that the anger crowds it until it's taking over. ]

Reyes? [ The name came out softer than he'd have liked. Much softer. But the state of apoplexy that follows and his humorless laugh, almost breathless, isn't a front to hide it. It's real. ] Reyes.

[ He spins around, as if ready to storm out, but stops himself and turns back again. ]

Are you fucking kidding me?

[ He should probably have more to say, but it's a lot to process. It's...a lot. There are so many thoughts running through his mind that he feels like his brain might actually short circuit.

His hands find his hips, gaze shifted to the ground, words coming out clipped but with a tinge of desperation lacing the very tail end of his words—]

Explain this to me.

[Reyes?

It's the softness that kills him. Like even now seeing him right there in front of him, Ryder can't believe his own eyes. Maybe he doesn't want to. Reyes can't be sure anymore, hard to gauge how someone feels about you after they shoot you while you're making a get away and then don't return your email.

No actually, he thought he'd gotten a really good idea of how Ryder felt. Now hearing him like this, as his the softness hardness, spits out in a venom, it's clear he was wrong. They're both carrying a lot of hurt in them, but Ryder. Oh he was so oddly fragile. Not in battle, no god, he wouldn't wish Ryder on anyone but his worst enemy in that case, but outside of it he wondered how he didn't shatter apart more often. It seemed like he just might here and now.

Reyes at least has the decency to keep his eyes on the pathfinder as his roller coaster of emotions plays out in front of him. It felt wrong not to give him that much. His arms lift lamely from his sides, palms up.]

Surprise.

[There's no joy in it, just dry and defeated even as his lips curl in what could almost be considered a smile. It doesn't reach his eyes.]

What is there to explain? Sloane is using you to keep the Initiative off her back while she plans all of this. It's all there- I've given you all the proof.

[The angaran, Jaal, that's his name yes, shakes his head sighing in clear frustration.]

Ryder, he's just using us like before, there's no getting the truth out of this one.

[Oh he's tiring of the peanut gallery real quick. A hard look is given to Jaal before he focuses on Ryder again, stepping forward, hand reaching out, but not touching and he tries to get him to look at him. Please just look at him.]

Ryder. Listen to me, whether you trust me or not, people will die if we do nothing. Your people. My people. They just want a chance for a new life and Sloane is going to start a goddamn war if we don't do something.

[And now he's close enough to gently touch his arm, fingers curling lightly at the back of Ryder's elbow.]

Scott...

[ Months ago, he would have been embarrassed to be seen by his own crew in such a state. But he's grown to care about them, their opinions, their ideas — which meant that he didn't mind when they saw his more emotional side. Granted, he wished it weren't coming out now...right here...after getting some pretty important and shitty news, but. He's grateful they're here, and more so when Jaal speaks up because he was going to interrupt himself with something less carefully worded.

Spite fuels him to look literally anywhere but at Reyes, at least until he feels the other's hand on his arm and his neck snaps to meet his gaze as if on pure instinct. Worst decision. Wish he hadn't looked him directly in the eyes. He's glad Reyes can't see how his hardened gaze softened from behind his helmet, but knowing himself...it's obvious.

Scott...

He yanked his arm away as if Reyes' touch burned. He doesn't say anything to him, instead, turning away to face his companions. ]

Look, I know he's a lying, shady, bastard...but I don't think he's lying about this. [ He almost sounds somewhat put together, at least, finding that as the months go by shifting into Pathfinder mode is...a bit easier.] And even if he is...we have to look into it anyway. This is a serious threat to us.

[ Right, right. This is important. Let's just focus on this and get it all over with and they can all just move on. Maybe Ryder will give Reyes a piece of his mind when all is said and done, or maybe he'll fuck off doing backflips into space and never give voice to some of these thoughts ever again. Either way, that's a problem for future Ryder.

With that thought in mind, he faces Reyes again. ]

Please, [ he starts quietly but with zero shame, just a plea— ] If there's anything more to this...to what you're showing me...just...no more surprises.

[ The part that's left unsaid is, "because I can't handle it again". ]

[For a second he has him, helmet or not, Ryder is looking at him and maybe he'll listen, maybe there's a chance that... no. Of course not, a fools hope really. Ryder yanks away from him like he's been singed, turns his back completely to him and he knows he's truly lost him.

Reyes is used to putting on a face, an act around people, self assured and smug pirate that he's supposed to be, but he stands there staring at the ground numbly as he listens to Ryder discuss the situation with his team. His thumb brushes over his fingers, thinking about how he wished he could have at least gotten to feel any warmth from Ryder again, just for a second. It's dangerous to still let his heart trip him up like this, over a man who shot him in the back.

Maybe rightfully so, but that's neither here nor there. His gaze lifts, tired and resigned once Ryder is speaking to him again. Time to get to work, that's why he'd contacted Ryder in the first place. It wasn't about the possibility of them, it was taking down Sloane and finishing what he'd started. He'd had a slimmer of hope though that maybe there could be a chance, after all of this was over, but he doubted it now.]

There wouldn't have been any if I'd known you'd come otherwise.

[And that's the truth. The deception wasn't what he'd wanted, it had been needed. Hell he hadn't wanted to lie to him about the Charlatan either, it just never felt like the right time to talk about it, then it was too late and here they are. It's his turn to turn away from Ryder, walking towards the table and motioning to a screen they've set up. Using his omni-tool he'll turn it on, uploading video and voice files to it.]

I'm sure you remember Deema, Pathfinder?

[Pathfinder. Not Ryder. Definitely not Scott. Better to just keep things professional now, right?]

While she had connections to me, Deema some how managed to convince Sloane she knew nothing about my extracurricular activities. She has her uses to Sloane so she's still at Kadara Port and my only inside information directly.

[Tapping on his omni-tool he'll bring up video of Sloane and her second in command Kaetus.]

Her little lap dog is not so trusting. I fear she'll be disposed of sooner than later, but if she were to leave Kadara suddenly Sloane might realize something is up...

[He'll shake his head, sighing, glancing over at Ryder before his gaze goes back to the video feed.]

I don't have the man power to do this on my own and with Sloane's grip on Kadara Port solidified we'd be marching into a firing squad. I thought I'd have more time to rebuild, but there's precious little of it now.

The last one.

[ This surprise is the last one, he means. Of course, he now understands the need for deception on Reyes' end. All of his anger was leftover from the caves, to be completely honest. But he thinks, however briefly, if he understood it now would he have if he listened to Reyes explain himself before?

No. Shut up. What's done is done.

Pathfinder. Damnned if that didn't hurt, even though he has no right for it too. His entire identity had always been trapped underneath someone or something else. Another person, like his father, or an idea, like the Pathfinder. Reyes was one of the few to call him by his name...and it was nice to be talked to like a person. A person with his own mind, ideals, and life, no matter how intricately tied into this whole mess. So yeah, that stung.

His attention is on the video feed now, his lips pulling down into an unseen frown. ]

So she's stuck.

[ At the very least, he's confident that they can handle this. Not to underestimate Sloane and her hold on Kadara Port, but he believed in his people. Deema is the most concerning factor right now, though. Her situation is precarious at best if Sloane's number one fan is giving her the side eye. ]

How do you want to handle this?

[ He doesn't take his stare off of the video. Nope. Have to focus. ]

Yes.

[His hands come to rest flat on the table, shifting to look over at Ryder again.]

If we go in for her you realize we're not leaving without taking back Kadara Port, right? The element of surprise is all we have at this point and Sloane still thinks she has you in her back pocket. Those are our best shot at this.

[The krogan grumbles from behind them, clearly displeased with everything he's hearing.]

All I'm hearing is the Charlatan asking us to clean up his mess. Starting to think the galaxy only sees you as a janitor, Ryder.

[He should have asked to speak to Ryder alone. He really should have. Glancing back at Drack, Reyes tips his head a little.]

Did or did not Ryder fix the krogan dilemma on Elaaden? How many of your problems has he taken care of?

[The krogan's face twists in a snarl, not liking that his words are turned back against him. Stomping in close he'll shove Reyes, not enough to do any harm, but he does end up using the table to stop himself from falling over. Touched a nerve did he? Good.]

It's not the same! I'm not using him like you, I trust him.

[Crossing his arms over his chest Reyes nods in understanding. He gets it, Ryder was a good man, a trustworthy man, he would never argue that. He'll look past Drack, to Ryder standing there no doubt tense from how the conversation is going.]

And I trust him too. There's no one else I could with this. I'm only sorry I didn't let you in before things got... complicated.

[Hazel eyes flicker to the side. All of this could have been avoided if he come clean to Ryder before he went directly against Sloane. Instead he thought his plan was full proof, but Ryder had been a variable he couldn't expect in that moment. Now look where they were.]

[ Ryder isn't surprised that Drack got pissed, or that Reyes is the one to piss him off, but all the same when the Krogan rushes forward to shove him Ryder's entire body tenses up. ]

Okay, look — [ First thing's first, he's going to need Reyes to stop saying things that are making this way harder than it needs to be because wow...still hurts. But that's not what he says.

He puts a hand on Drack's shoulder, offering a friendly and appreciative pat. He doesn't want Reyes beat up or anything, but Ryder appreciates the sentiment all the same. ] Why don't you and Jaal go wait in the other room? I'll fill you in on everything later. I'll give a shout if I need you guys.

[The krogan's eyes narrow at Reyes, but he'll pull back.]

If he does anything I get to shoot him next.

[A clawed finger is jabbed at him, but Drack will defer to Ryder's decision regardless. Both of Ryder's team start to file out and Reyes will give a nod at his man who follows them, taking post just outside the door.

Alone now, his conviction to keep things professional crack faster than he realized they would. There's a silence that hangs between them for shorter than it probably feels like, at least until Reyes breaks it.]

... it's good to see you again.

[ Ryder releases a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in when Drack concedes and leaves the room. It's then when, against his better judgment, he pulls off his helmet. Just in time for Reyes to say that it was good to see him, and for Ryder to feel a big ol stab in his goddamn heart.

For a moment, he glances downward, holding the helmet against his hip. But he quickly sucks it up to meet Reyes' gaze. He can't bring himself to look angry because that moment has passed. His gaze is soft, sad...regretful. ]

Too bad it was like this. [ Which...seems to imply that Ryder feels the same way, oops. ] For what it's worth I'm...sorry I shot you.

[ Despite the awkward delivery, it's so very genuine. ]

[Truly it's good to see him. The helmet is off now and he can finally see his face again and it takes everything in him to not cross the space between them to pull Ryder against him, to hold his face and kiss him breathless. The most he manages is a step closer, hand smoothing against the table before curling into a fist.

It's not like that anymore. It's a little easier to focus on the subject of being shot, a little huff of a laugh punching out of him as he reaches up to rub at his right shoulder.]

It was a clean shot. Left a hell of a scar though. Both sides.

[The smile is sad that tugs at his lips and his hand drops.]

If you meant to leave an impression, Ryder, you certainly succeeded.

Edited (typo hhhh) 2022-06-16 07:12 (UTC)

[ It's not easy for Ryder, either. For a moment, without the barrier of his helmet, he's stuck between wanting Reyes to grab him and kiss him and wanting to do it his damn self.

But...that's just...something he's going to have to get over, of course. Because that won't happen and it shouldn't happen, ever.

In an attempt to alleviate the tension of...various types, Ryder forces a halfhearted chuckle. ]

Don't know if you've noticed...but I'm pretty good at making an impression.

[ Slightly easier to joke about now, but when he got that e-mail...how many drafts does he have saved that he almost sent in response? One to tell Reyes off. Then one to break things off, and give closure. Then one to break things off while pouring his heart out — that one was the longest and the only one he finished — then there was one where he tried to keep it short and sweet. He only got two words into that one. Ultimately, he went with silence as his response. Which...wasn't something he liked doing. He liked to talk things out, get everything out in the open, be honest...

...Nothing about how he handled things with Reyes felt right, did it? ]

[Won't and shouldn't happen? Maybe that would be wiser for the both of them, but then if Ryder had wanted to be wise about this would he have shooed everyone out to talk with Reyes alone?

Perhaps in his head it felt like the best way to do things. It almost hurts more that they're both trying to make this easier for one another, but it feels just as heavy regardless.]

I noticed the first time we met.

[Dammit, don't do this. Just apologize for keeping Ryder in the dark and get back to it. Reyes knows this will just make it more difficult for the both of them, but there's so much he's wanted to say. That one e-mail had been too short, so many words left unsaid that he should have. Maybe he would have said more if Ryder had replied, but the silence felt justified on the pathfinder's end. A finality to them and if that was how Ryder wanted it then...]

Ryder.

[Reyes words always flow easy, talking is a gift of his, silver tongue and wicked words. Lies tumble from his lips easier than truths some days, but now he feels tongue tied, lips parting to speak, but he hesitates a few times.]

Us- We were never a lie. I hope you can at least believe that.

[ Ah shit.

He hears his name again and it's almost enough to melt his heart. He hates it. He had been so mad because he thought he was played. And as much as that hurt, as hard as that was to deal with, right now it would be easier if he could just believe it was as bad as it felt.

His eyes shut as a free hand comes up to run fingers through his hair. He wants to stop this conversation from happening right now, except maybe he doesn't. That's why he's here, alone with Reyes. When it came to matters of the heart...well...he followed said heart. ]

Yeah, well, that's what made it suck so bad.

[ He only just realizes that Reyes had moved in a little closer when he opens his eyes again. So close. They were always so far away from one another but right now they were so close. That's all Ryder ever wanted. Was to be close to someone.

They had been. That was real. Reyes had said as much when he accused the other of lying to him about "everything", and he was too angry and stubborn at the time to consider that...it was the truth. And now he's saying it again. Shit.]

I just...I've always been an open person, and...obviously...

[ —look, he's just trying to acknowledge that he understands...that that's not something Reyes can always afford. But it's a lot harder to say than he thought. ]

[It would be easier if Ryder told him right now that they were over. Done. Told Reyes to shut up. He still hasn't and maybe it should just be obvious, but it's clear there's still something there.

Oh Ryder is always so emotional, easy to overwhelm with them and it's not his intention in the least, he just wanted to have that cleared between them. If nothing else, he needed to make sure Ryder understood that his feelings were not a lie. If this is really the end between them, he wants the truth to be there at least.

Honestly he doesn't realize he's moved closer, but he has, hand sliding across the table to stop just short of Ryder's.]

I wanted to tell you. It was never about trust... I just... I liked- the way you looked at me, Ryder.

[Fingers stretch to bridge the gap between their hands, fingertips of his gloves sliding up over Ryder's, testing the water.]

I didn't want the Charlatan to cloud your view of me.

[A lot of the rumors of what the Charlatan did or didn't do were false, things attributed to him just because people could. The anonymity had it's pros and cons let's just say that. Of course plenty were true and some weren't great either. He wanted Ryder to know him first, to see him.]

[ Ryder is pretty much beyond the point of no return now. His feelings are overtaking all the logic in his brain that's been yelling at him, now distant shouts that are soon drowned out by his beating heart. That's why he doesn't move his hand away. ]

You're the shadiest bastard I've ever met, Reyes, but I trusted you enough that I wouldn't have thought any less of you. [ Up until now his eyes had been shifty, trying not to stare at Reyes for too long, but he made the mistake of looking him right in the face and holding his gaze there. ] But, I don't know, maybe I get it. I mean...sometimes it's tiring to be Pathfinder to everyone instead of just Ryder. Or, god forbid, just Scott.

You...[ Oh shit, ah fuck, his heart is telling him to just fucking say it and he can't ignore it. His hand turns, palm up, fingers tentatively clasping around Reyes' like a small animal trying to be cautious. His voice has the smallest hint of a quake to it. ] You never stopped being someone to me, Reyes.

[The Point of No Return has left the station, there's no going back now. When Ryder doesn't pull away from his touch again it's a small victory and he'll take whatever he can get right now. It's even better when their eyes finally are able to meet.

It's good to hear that there's an understanding between them, that while they're two different men they have a lot in common in some ways. Ways that help Ryder overcome the betrayal of his lies a little easier with time. Usually Reyes is one to have more than plenty to say, but Ryder is moving to take his hand and he's rendered speechless by him.

An echo of their moment under the setting sun of Kadara, he looks vulnerable in ways he doesn't let most others see him. Reyes knows he's not talking, he should be saying something, the silence will only poison the tender bridge they're trying to build between each other. Blinking rapidly as if snapping out of a daze he'll return Ryder's hold, giving his hand a squeeze, free hand coming up, fingers grazing over his cheek to cradle his face as he dips in to claim his lips. Maybe it's presumptuous of him, but in the moment it felt like the right thing to do. It's not as soft as the kiss it's echoing, there's a desperation to it and a passion.

Words wouldn't be enough, please understand him.]

[ It's almost comical how mad he had been, how hurt, and how he thought he would never recover from it and how easily Ryder is drawn back in with a simple touch of their fingers, a held hand, and a squeeze, and then Reyes' hand on his face—

—and a kiss that finally forces him to face the fact that he had been avoiding underneath all the anguish since that day in the cave.

He made such a big fucking mistake.

In spite of Ryder's now weak knees, his hand squeezing hard from a mix of surprise and desperation, and the way he practically melts into the kiss — he forces himself to pull away only after their lips touched for mere seconds. Seconds in which he saw fireworks, but nevertheless— ]

Are you crazy? [ he asks breathlessly, blue eyes wide. But that moment of logic prevailing was more like a glitch than anything, seeing as Ryder immediately tosses aside the notion that this is ridiculous and maybe they should stop in favor of throwing himself forward to press their lips together again with matching desperation and passion.

Ah well, he tried. ]

[They'd both made a mistake, it wasn't all just on Ryder. Now wasn't the time for arguing who was right or wrong. Not that Ryder doesn't give him a start, pulling back from his kiss and asking if he's crazy.

Guess he'd misunderstood, read everything wrong- or not. God this fool, this ridiculous man. Ryder would call him crazy in one breath and then kiss him the next, just a little whiplash to go along with everything why not? At least they seem to be on the same page now which Reyes is thankful for, both hands now holding the pathfinder's face, kissing with abandon. He'd missed this, missed the intimacy of them, for what little they'd been allowed of it before everything fell apart. Each kiss is more passionate, needy and it doesn't take long for a hunger to creep in.

Making up for lost time perhaps.

Reyes shifts them with his own body, guides Ryder towards the table as it knocks against the small of the pathfinder's back, skidding sharp and loud in the mostly empty room. It's enough to startle an embarrassed laugh from him, giving him a second to smile before he presses in for another kiss.]

[ Ryder couldn't even begin to express how nice it feels to have Reyes holding his face in that gentle way most probably wouldn't expect from him. To have the passion from this kiss sweeping him off his feet. His own kisses are desperate and eager — he's so enraptured in the moment that he doesn't realize he's being moved until the table screeches across the floor, and the helmet he had been holding in his free hand drops to the ground with a loud clatter.

He joins Reyes in his startled laugh, smile soft and smitten. Now that both his hands are free they find their way to Reyes' shoulders, fingers gripping as if afraid of letting go. Ryder sighs into the kiss as if easing into a warm bath after a long day of getting bruised and beaten...healing. It feels healing. Exhilarating.

In between a kiss—] I should've let you explain— [ and another kiss ] I'm sorry. [ There's way too much to say that hasn't been said, and it can wait, but that he just has to...get out there. In case he hadn't made his regret clear enough. ]

[As much as he appreciates the apology, it's not needed. He doesn't want to stay in the past, looking forward to what they can do and be now is more important. His intentions with calling Ryder here today were never for reconciliation, it would have just been a bonus if it happened, but now that it seems to have happened he's greedy for more.

As he's been told before, he's selfish and maybe that's true. So he's going to be selfish, hands that had cradled Ryder's face lovingly move down to heft the pathfinder up to sit him on the edge of the table as he'll push between his thighs to claim his mouth yet again.]

Shh--

[Reyes shushes him, kisses him slow, languidly. Savoring the moment as his hands pull Ryder firmly against him by his hips. Kiss broken he'll nuzzle in against an ear.]

You understand now... and you're here with me. You're better than any apology, Scott.

[ Of course, he wasn't done, and he was about to continue a tirade of apologies when they get caught in his throat as he's lifted onto the table and effectively shushed. Yes, right. If he doesn't stop now he never will, he supposes. And — oh...

Those words mean the absolute world to him. No, the whole galaxy and then some. Ryder's arms snake around Reyes' shoulders and his legs wrap around the man, hugging him with his entire body.

A tear rolls down his cheek. So it begins. Ryder doesn't try to hide it...he's not embarrassed to cry in front of people he cares about, if at all. He would still like to keep it together considering why they gathered here to begin with, but...he's allowing himself this moment, damn it. He's really goddamn happy right now. ]

I'm not going anywhere. [ Well, literally he kind of has to go anywhere and everywhere, but he's sure Reyes understands what he means! ]

[This man is going to be the death of him. Ryder koalaing around him as if he thinks Reyes will disappear is almost too much. He has no intention of going any where, especially not away from the pathfinder. Did he run on Kadara? Yes, but if he'd stayed his head would have been on a pike next.

Seeing that tear creeping down Ryder's cheek a thumb will carefully wipe it away.]

What am I going to do with you, hm?

[Cherish the hell out of him since he has this second chance? Yes. Definitely.]

[ Ironically, the simple act of Reyes wiping away Ryder's tear makes another one fall right after it. He can't help it, truly. The mix of happiness and relief and just all of the pain washing away is too much for him.

He smiles through the tears anyway. ]

I dunno, but you're stuck with me now, so you better figure it out.

[ Ryder is about ready to dive in for another kiss, but his lips stop just before making contact. ]

—oh, uh...we were kinda talking about something...important, weren't we?

[ As much as he would love to sit right here in this position for the rest of his goddamn life. ]

[He'll just wipe the next tear that falls, an amused little huff leaving him.]

Yes, you are very important.

[See what he did there? Reyes smiles then, brushing his fingers through Ryder's hair and steals one more gentle kiss.]

It wouldn't be proper of me have you how I want with guests right outside the door... first we handle Sloane and Kadara, then I'll make everything up to you.

[He'll give Ryder's thigh a good pat pat before pulling away, needing to turn away and breathe out a second. Simmer down and get back to business. Clearing his throat he looks back over his shoulder.]

Before we make any advances on Kadara Port it would be wise to let Tann know what we're doing. I'd rather not have Sloane try to call in any Initiative connections to help her and have them get caught in the crossfire.

[Best to negate as many casualties as they can. Keep it to Outlaws only if possible.]

Cut that out, you.

[ Don't just throw smooth ass lines like that at him, he cried enough. Though, that one draws an almost giddy chuckle out of him more than anything. Ugh...this man. This man will be the death of him.

Reyes turning away to catch his breath is the perfect opportunity for Ryder to do the same, exhaling softly as he hops off the table and picks up his helmet. Okay, back to business. ]

Right. I'll contact Tann as soon as I get back to the Tempest and let him know what's happening. Hopefully we can make this go as smoothly as possible.

Well, as smooth as things can be when I'm involved.

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